I'll Miss You With Every Beat Of My Heart
by The Smoose
Summary: Yeah, it's a post GBaGL fic. All aboard at Depression City, next stop, Rambo Is A God Town heading towards Maddeningly Happyville...ever so slightly spoilerish...but then I guess I kinda gave that away with the summary


So I'm guessing some people, if not everyone, are still drying their eyes over "The Letter", I know I am, well guess how I felt writing the damn thing out! I had to listen to it again and then type it out! I swear I thought the laptop might blow up with the amount of water between the keys! So this is my take on why Sara left, and no one wants to agree with The Smoose. But, the light at the end of the extremely long tunnel, she IS coming back. Our Lord and Master David Rambo says so, and his word is Law! "They definately have a future, there will be a reunion." That's all that keeps me going. Anyway, here's some angsty angst for you to enjoy (don't kill me, it was a joke).

* * *

_'Gil,_

_You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately, I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told, I'm tired. Out in the desert under that car that night, I realised something, and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts, we've been like close friends, and out there in the desert it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off I'm left with the feeling that I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll self destruct and worse, you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe, know that I tried very hard to stay, know that you are my one and only, I'll miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always will._

_Goodbye.'_

Grissom stared at the letter.

"No…"

"Hey Gil, I need you to check something." Catherine walked up behind him and held out a file. Grissom didn't turn around but braced himself on is desk, palms on the surface, and bowed his head. "Gil?"

"Just leave it and go." Grissom muttered.

"Griss, what's—"

"Catherine, please, just leave the damn file and get out." Grissom's voice broke slightly as he spoke. Catherine knew something was wrong. She walked up to the desk and placed the file on top of it, scanning the rest of the space. She spotted the letter, noticed Sara's handwriting and the word 'Goodbye' and knew what she had done. She left without a word, closing the door behind her. When Grissom heard the faint click, he broke down.

* * *

"Grissom! Grissom! Open the door!" Catherine banged on Grissom's front door until he opened it five minutes later and walked back into the house. Catherine entered. Grissom sat back down on the sofa.

"What do you want Catherine?" he rasped.

"What's wrong with you? Where have you been for the past three days?" she took in his appearance, he obviously hadn't shaved for a few days and she doubted whether he'd eaten. He was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. When he didn't answer her, she dropped a file onto the coffee table in front of him.

"What's this?" he sighed. "Something wrong with your case?" he picked up the file and opened it. "It's not very thick so far, new case?"

"It's not a case, it's for you. We pulled up Sara's credit card bill and she bought a ticket to San Francisco last week and got on the plane at 10:00pm Thursday night, we also found she's rented a room at a Bed and Breakfast just outside of Tamales Bay and we've got a trace on her cell so as soon as you get there we can tell you where she is." She said in one breath. Grissom just gaped at her.

"I'm sorry…what?" he said.

"Gil, I know you miss her, so go be with her." She said.

"She has to do this on her own, she doesn't want me to see her." Catherine sighed.

"Grissom, you are totally hopeless. That's not what she really wants, it's what she **thinks **she wants! Just go pack and for God's sake shave! Your plane leaves in four hours." Grissom didn't move. "Gil! Just go! She needs you more than you think."

* * *

"Alright Cath, where is she?" Grissom looked around the street he was on for any sign of Sara while talking to Catherine on the phone.

"She's in a Starbucks two streets away, just keep walking straight ahead." Grissom nodded to himself and picked up the pace. He jogged to the corner of the street Catherine had indicated and turned it, seeing the unmistakable coffee shop sign and running to it. He walked past the large windows and searched for the familiar brown head in the practically empty building. "Gil? You got her?" Catherine's voice sounded from the phone speaker. His eyes darted around the shop and he finally found her sat with her back to him at the back of the shop.

"Yeah Cath, I got her." He ended the call before Catherine could say another word and, taking a deep breath, he walked into the shop. He moved cautiously between the tables, never taking his eyes from her. When he finally reached her, he stayed behind her, wondering what to do. He didn't have to wait long however.

"I know you're there Gil, I saw you looking through the window." She mumbled into her coffee cup.

Grissom sighed and walked the extra few paces to sit opposite her in the booth. "I told you I had to do this Griss. Alone." She wouldn't look at him.

"You didn't tell me anything Sara, you left me a letter, you left me thinking every possible worst scenario, you left me wondering if you'd ever come back, you…you left me." Grissom whispered. Sara looked into his eyes and reached for his hand.

"I was always going to come back, don't you ever think I'd leave you for good, I don't even know how you could think that after everything we've been through to get here."

"How could I not think that? You left no indication of when, if ever, you were coming back." Grissom's eyes began to sting from unshed tears.

"I didn't know when I was coming back, I still don't." she turned away and let go of Grissom's hand. "My mother's dead." She whispered. Grissom looked shocked. "She died in prison. She was supposed to be released two weeks tomorrow. I haven't talked to her since…that night." Grissom got up and sat next to her, putting his arms around her. "I never got to talk to her one last time." She stifled a sob. "I had so many things to ask her, and now I'll never get the chance."

"I'm so sorry Sara." he mumbled into her hair.

They sat there for a while, just holding each other and then Sara spoke again.

"She had a will. I'm the only beneficiary. She left me the B&B we used to live in, I'm going to sell it. And I have a relative somewhere in England, my mother's aunt, they haven't spoken to each other in years either, but I'd like to go and visit her, just to see what she's like, you know?" she sniffed. Grissom kissed her cheek and lifted her chin.

"I'll be with you every step of the way, if you'll let me."

Sara kissed him. "Thank you. Thank you for being strong for both of us."

"I'm only strong when I'm with you." He whispered.

"Then you're with me until the end." She replied.

The End.

* * *

Yeah, I know, I hate it too, but when your muse is standing over you holding a pointy object and yelling at you to write, who are you to argue? Plus, watching a really depressing film with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez...which is so not helping matters. So...love, peace and chicken grease to you all. 


End file.
